Nothings perfect
by Meme-Ann
Summary: COMPLETE! Spin the Bottle sequel. Slash. Adam and Charlie think they have the perfect relationship. But nothing's perfect. No more fluff angst from here on in.
1. 1

Charlie's POV  
  
  
  
  
By the time I got to my dorm on the last day before classes started at University of Minnesota, I was in rare form. I hadn't received any of the classes I wanted, some professor had bumped into me and spilled coffee all over my Ducks jersey, I got lost three times and I stood in the enrollment line from twelve to two thirty. Not to mention I was missing Banks something fierce. So all I really wanted to do was to fall down on my bed and brood. But what did I find when I finally dragged my frustrated and irritated carcass to my room? Twin beds, meaning the admission staff had ignored my repeated demands for a single room and had given me a roommate. Being that I wasn't in the best of moods already, I threw the box I was carrying onto one of the beds and stormed out.  
  
For the second time that day, I was standing in the registration line for A-C's. Forty minutes later I was facing a black haired women with a computer in front of her.  
  
"Name?" She snapped her gum but didn't look at me.  
  
"Charlie Conway." I stated moodily.  
  
The women typed rapidly with her long obviously fake red nails  
"Charles Conway has already registered."  
  
"I know I was there. I came to tell you there must have been a screw up in the room assignments because I got a double."  
  
"No mistake. We recently got a transfer from a school out East and being we having a shortage of one-person rooms, you were paired. Your interest are quiet similar, you should get along well." The lady opened my roommates file by then "In fact he just signed in, in this very line about a half hour ago, he maybe in your room as we speak."  
  
She was right as soon as I shoved the door open I saw him sitting on the bed farthest from the window. His head was down so I couldn't see his face, as he flipped through my photo album. What a nerve!  
  
"Don't touch that." I barked slamming the door closed behind me, causing his head to shoot up.  
  
"Jesus Charlie to much caffeine this morning?" The boy teased.  
  
"Adam?"  
  
"Since the day I was born, Hun."  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Well I was looking at the pictures until you yelled at me." My boyfriend pretended to pout.  
  
"I mean what are you doing here?"  
  
"I decided in the hospital to swap schools. I wanted it to be a surprise. Are you surprised?"  
  
"Pleasantly so." I settled down beside him and kissed his cheek  
  
"But what about the University of Connecticut? The Bruins scout people right out of there, the NHL is all you ever wanted."  
  
"It's no big deal I'll stay around here and if they want me they'll find me."  
  
"What if they don't? Pro hockey is the most important thing in your life." We had switched positions by then and we were lying down on the bed facing each other. Both of us propping our heads up with and arm.  
  
"Not as important as you Charlie." He looked me straight in the eye "I can live without hockey, I can't live without you."  
  
"Adam, think about it." I brought my hand up and cupped his chin  
  
"I have thought about it and I love you Spazway." He dropped a kiss on my nose.  
  
"I love you too Banksie."   
  
"Good then this discussion is over." Adam kissed my forehead and the corner of my eyes, kissed both of my cheeks and then started down my throat.  
  
"You're trying to drive me crazy aren't you?" I moaned as he reached my collarbone.  
  
"Yup, is it working?" He queried continuing the torture I loved so much.  
  
"No not at all." I lied.  
  
"Conway stick to the truth you're better at it."  
  
"Okay I'm gonna explode if you don't get up here and kiss me now!"  
  
"That's better." Banks brought his lips to mine and I sighed happily against them.   
  
"You know I don't have any classes until ten tomorrow." I gave him a come hither stare that made his whole face turn crimson.  
  
"Is that so?"  
  
"Uh-huh, I'm going to be pretty bored, I hope I can find something to do till then."  
  
"I'm sure we can think of something."  
  
Yeah, this year was going to be great. Life was perfect.  
  
  
~* Thanks SupahDupahNicci my supah dupah beta reader. And everyone that liked the last one, here we go again.*~ 


	2. 2

Adam's POV  
  
  
Charlie had a fantastic body, not overly muscular but firm and toned in all the right places and there was no other way I'd rather spend my time then cuddling into him.  
  
"Have I ever told you, I love your chest?" I asked running my middle finger between his pecks.  
  
"Not that I can remember no. But I always wanted to be built more like Portman." He admitted folding his arms under his head.  
  
"Nah, he's got too many muscles, he's all lumpy." Of course in my opinion no one looked as good as my Charlie anyway. Can you believe he actually laughed at me?  
  
"You know sometimes you sound like such a chick."  
  
So I rolled over and kept my back to him for a good ten minutes. Charlie was getting all worked up because he thought I was really sulking. If he could've seen my face he would've know otherwise but that would've ruined the fun.  
  
"I'm sorry you're not chicky. Come on Adam look at me, look at me. I'll make it up to you. What do you want?" Still I said nothing.  
  
"Let's go to the rink from the peewees." As soon as he said that I was all over him like cheese on a Big Mac.  
  
"Are you serious? Because if you just said that so I wouldn't be mad it backfired cause I wasn't mad before but I would be if we don't go."  
  
He looked at me strangely and chuckled again, "No I wasn't joking, we haven't been there for years let's go."  
  
I shot out of bed like a rocket, promptly realizing I wasn't wearing any pants. I swiftly leaned over and pulled my jeans from the floor beside the bed and yanked them up as Charlie scowled, "I liked the blue silk boxers better."  
  
"I know, unfortunately that may frighten any children that may be at the rink." I tugged my shirt over my head "Now get up, let's go."  
  
"I'm getting up see, I'm moving. We need to stop and get something to eat first."  
  
"Hungry?"  
  
"Starving, I worked up quite the appetite, keeping up with you in strenuous activity. With your stamina I'm surprised I'm not dying of hunger."  
  
"You're a pig. Pants on now."  
  
"I may be a pig but you're a nag."  
  
"You love me anyway."  
  
"Only sometimes."  
  
I raised my eyebrows at him in a 'this whole thing started with a dumb comment you made fifteen minutes ago' look, so quickly he remarked. "On the days that end in y."   
  
We stopped at Mickey's on the way to the rink and Mrs. Conway grinned from ear to ear when we entered. It was funny we never officially told her about us, she'd never even seen us together as a couple before that day. But somehow she knew, when Charlie returned home when they let me out of the hospital she had asked him if we were seeing each other.  
  
"How are my boys?"  
  
Charlie hugged his mother while answering, "Good mom, great since Banks got here."  
  
It made me feel so good to hear him say that.  
  
"It's nice to see you again Mrs. Conway." I hugged her too.  
  
"Adam you're all grown up now, call me Casey." I think that's when in actually hit her I was standing there. "Wait, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to school in New England?"   
  
"I was, but I realized there's no place like home. Plus but everyone there knows about my wrist is all over campus. I feel like everyone was always looking at me. 'That's the fag that tried to kill himself.' And all the important people in my life are here." I looked at Charlie and our eyes met and my spine tingled. We deposited ourselves at a booth and a few minutes late we were eating cheeseburgers splitting a plate of onion rings and a coke. I couldn't wait to get on with the rest of our date.  
  
After we finished eating we loaded back into my Porsche and drove toward the rink. The lights in the stands were all off, the only light at all was the one that hung from the ceiling above the ice. It was an almost romantic atmosphere, the only thing ruining it was the single skater already on the ice.  
  
"How long do you think he's been here?" I asked lacing my skates  
  
"I'd say from the way he's moving, hours." Charlie answered getting up but waiting for me before going onto the ice.  
  
"Hi Fulton, what's up?" We skated out to the dark haired boy trying not to stand to close together. We knew the reason he was upset, he missed Portman, even if he wouldn't admit it. We also knew he wouldn't.  
  
"Hey guys, when did you get here?" Fulton stopped and came toward us  
  
"Just a couple minutes ago." I replied skating around him and Charlie  
  
"How's it goin' Fulton?" Charlie eyed him worriedly. I love to see that side of my boyfriend the one that was all about caring and friendship.  
  
"Oh you don't wanna hear about it." The Bash Brother responded looking down at the ice  
  
"Of course we do, that's what friends are for." I pried coming to a stop as I grew dizzy  
  
"It's nothing, I'm gonna get goin'. Lata." We watched as he left and then looked at each other. Charlie came forward and slipped his arms around me encircling my waist. I put arms around his neck and pulled him closer, feeling his heart beat in time with mine.  
"Do you think they're as happy as us?"  
  
"I don't think its possible for anyone to be as happy as I am with you, Adam." He really had a way for making me feel like the only person in the world  
  
"You're such a charmer Charlie Conway."  
  
"I try. Come on let's skate." His arms fell from around me and my body cried at the disappearance of his warmth.  
  
"I got a better idea. Catch me." And with that I took off like a shot. I'm not Luis but I've got some speed and while my spins in no way compared to Kenny's, Charlie still couldn't catch me. "You must not want me that bad." I egged him on slowing a bit then speeding up again when he almost had me.  
  
"This isn't fair." He whined  
  
"Oh poor baby."  
  
Suddenly I heard a crash behind me, I turned to find Charlie laying on the ice against the boards. I glided over in his direction more worried then I should've have been.  
"Charlie are you okay." When he didn't make a sound I sped up and dropped to my knees beside him. His eyes were closed and I almost panicked "Charlie are you alright? Open your eyes, speak to me."  
  
Instantly his eyes shot up and an evil grin spread across his face as his arm snaked around me again.  
"Caught ya." He declared with laughter in his voice  
  
"You're a jerk." I tried to keep in the giggle and pretend to be mad but it didn't work. The next thing I knew I was laying on the frozen water and well let's just say it's a miracle we didn't melt the ice. 


	3. 3

Charlie's POV  
  
  
  
  
We got back to the dorm around ten that night and shed our layers of clothes down to our underwear. I crawled onto my bed and awaited the impact of weight next to me that never came. I rolled over puzzled and found Banks curled up on his bed watching me.  
  
  
"What are you doin' all the way over there? I don't have cooties or anything." I gave him a sullen look and pretended to be hurt.  
  
"I'm going to sleep." He responded in a 'duh' tone.  
  
"I can see that, but why over there? Why not here?" I patted a spot on my bed.  
  
"Twice in one day is enough for me. I've given and received that's plenty. Besides what just happened at the rink may have ruined it for me forever."  
  
I knew he was referring to the fact we had just gotten ourselves back into acceptable conditions for public, when the Zamboni driver came out onto the ice to tell us we had to leave. I'm just glad he didn't notice my fly was down, good thing Banksie didn't either or he would've died of embarrassment.  
  
Then I would've had to break in a new boyfriend, would have been a hassle. Who am I kidding? If I ever lost Adam there'd be no other guys. I wasn't gay before him and I refused to be without him. I wondered if I should tell him that, before I got the chance though I heard the soft sweet sound of him snoring. It was a good thing we were rooming together I don't think anyone else alive would call it sweet. Nor would anyone but me find it cute. But I treasured it, because I treasured him.  
  
The next morning I woke with a face full of silky blonde hair and smiled inwardly. Evidently Adam had changed his mind about sleeping alone some where during the course of the night. Not that I was complaining, having his skin brushing mine thrilled me and I loved the way his hair always smelled just washed. One of these days I'll have to find out what kind of shampoo he uses. I rubbed my hand up his bare arm and he stirred slightly, his nose tickling my neck.  
  
"G'morning." I whispered pulling back slightly to kiss his forehead.  
  
"Good morning." He repeated groggily even with morning breath he's still perfect.  
  
"So you decided against sleeping alone last night I see."  
  
"Would you believe I was sleep walking and this is where I wound up?"  
  
"Not in the slightest."  
  
"Nightmare?"  
  
"Nope. Try the truth, you're so completely infatuated with me that you're lost without my touch."  
  
"There you go again thinking you're God's gift to me."  
  
"I'm not?" I knit my eyebrows and tried to look shocked.  
  
"Of course you are baby. And as much as I wish I could stay here in bed with you all day and remind you of how deeply I care about you, I have class in a half hour." Banks pecked my lips and got up walking to his dresser. I followed slipping my arm around his waist from behind.  
  
"When did you get so affectionate?" He pulled out a drawer and dug through the stack of perfectly pressed and meticulously folded polo and oxford shirts. Something else caught my eye, something green with yellow and purple stripes across the bottom.  
  
"You've still got your peewees jersey? I thought I was the only that kept it."  
  
"No you're the only one that kept wearing it, and by the way it smells have you washed it since you were eleven? I'm giving mine to our first child."  
  
"First child, how are we pulling that off? I don't like pain and you don't have the hips for it." I know it sounded like I was making little of the situation, turning it into a joke, but in truth there was nothing I wanted more then to spend the rest of my life with Adam by my side and raise a family together. The word forever didn't scare me like it did most guys our age, I wanted forever.  
  
"I was thinking we'd adopt." Banksie turned around in my arms and wrapped his arms around me as well "But if you want the whole biological thing, I'm sure Connie or Julie would be surrogate mother for us."  
  
"Okay so which one of us gets to boink Cons or Jules?"  
  
"I was thinking artificial insemination, I guess if you had your heart set on sleeping with them, I'll understand. I mean if you really wanna do it the old fashioned way." He grinned at me; he had the most intoxicating smile. It made him look so innocent almost childlike. It made me weak in the knees.  
  
"Guy and Scooter will love that I'm sure." I scoffed sitting on the edge of his bed and pulling him down with me.  
  
"You're making it very hard for me to get ready." Banks pushed lightly on my chest in a vain attempt to get away.  
  
"I'm trying." I leaned over and kissed him gently, sucking on his bottom lip.  
  
"I have to get to class and so do you." He got up again this time achieving in putting his clothes on, "See you at tryouts?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Alright, I love you." He'd almost made it to the door that time before I grabbed him and kissed him once more.  
  
"Love you more." I gushed and pushed him out the door before he got the chance to argue.  
  
Every class I had that day was made a million times more boring by the fact I wanted to get to tryouts. There was only two things about that school I enjoyed, one being Adam the other being hockey. It was so great that those two simple things were combinable.  
  
Later in the locker room I had to literally force myself not to watch Banks change. I mean I could've if I wanted but I didn't want the rest of the team to catch on. I didn't want them to gang up on us for being 'fucking homos' or whatever else they'd say. I could take it, I couldn't however but Banksie through that. Adam still thought the world was a wonderful place. I was too much in love to tell him otherwise, let him think all is good. It's better that way. 


	4. 4

Adam's POV  
  
  
  
  
  
Tryouts were grueling, far worse then any practice with Orion or Captain Blood. When they were over I literally fall in a heap onto a bench in the locker room. Knocking over someone's backpack in the process. The owner wasn't too happy, in fact he hauled me to my feet by my shoulder pads. As soon as threats of bodily harm came into play, Charlie jumped to my defense.  
  
"Look pal, I don't know who you are, but if you don't get your hands off of Banks right now, you're going to know me and my hockey stick very well." Now personally I don't find Conway in the teensiest bit intimidating, that could be because I know how cuddly he is though. That other guy however didn't know the softer side so he backed off.  
  
"Thanks." I muttered.  
  
"Thank me later." He whispered back and I blushed. I know guys don't normally blush but I do, I did it a lot then, I was only eighteen mind you. Not to mention very new at the whole relationship thing.   
  
Anyway I digress. After we all got back into our street clothes, we herded into the hallway near the coaches office waiting for the list to be posted. We were all pinned in like cattle, the body heat was enormously high in the one area, and no one seemed to mind though. Least of all me, especially since the person pressed against my back was Charlie, his left hand resting casually on my hip. Everyone was so busy worrying about if they made the team, nobody noticed. The coach came out and tacked the roster to the to the wall, causing the swarm of hockey hopefuls to charge at the paper.  
  
I wasn't to surprised at where I found my name on the list, next to the words first line center. That'd been my position since I was nine. I was nonetheless shocked at the location of Charlie's name, not first line, not second line, not even third line. He was on the taxi squad, which basically meant the only time Charlie would see any game time was if one of the other players is injured or couldn't make a game. I was appalled. What tryouts had that guy been watching because there was no way any of the other guys were half as good as Charlie.  
  
I stood off to the side while he searched the posting for his name and winced when he found it. I gave him a sympathetic look and we stayed there in the corridor as the other players checked the list and left.  
  
"I don't get it, you're so much better then ninety nine percent of those guys." I stating observing the disappointed frown on his handsome face. I hadn't seen him look so lost since he found out Bombay was leaving us with Orion.  
  
"Thank you. Um, I'm gonna talk to the coach, why don't you go back to the dorm." He said it more as a statement then a request so I forced a smile and left him to his own devices.  
  
Four hours later he still hadn't come back and I was starting to worry. It was well past sunset, eleven o'clock to be precise, he should've returned by then. I couldn't understand how a discussion about team positions with the coach, would take that long. And Charlie was never one to be out late to begin with. I made the silent decision that if he wasn't back in a half hour I was rallying the in state Ducks and we were going to scavenge the streets. I know I sound totally obsessive and I guess I was. I got sad feelings in the pit of my stomach if he wasn't with me for ten minutes; not knowing where he was for hours was killing me.  
  
With five minutes left on his time limit the door opened and Charlie stumbled in the door. His walking wasn't very coordinated and his eyes looked faintly glazed. If I hadn't known better I would've thought he had been drinking, but Charlie didn't drink, nor was he old enough to buy alcohol.  
  
"Where have you been?" I stood up and crossed my arms over my chest.  
  
"Out, shouldn't you be sleeping? You are the big starter after all." Though it didn't quite sound as if was meant to with his drunken slur, it was almost comical.  
  
"You are drunk aren't you?"  
  
"No, I am extremely buzzed."  
  
"Why? What did the coach say?"  
  
"It went like 'Conway you're a great player, but you're a puck hog. Until you learn to control your domination of the puck I can't have you on the team. You could learn a lot from your roommate Banks.' Just another person that has to remind me I don't measure up."  
  
It made sense to me though. I mean we had all grown use to Charlie's arrogance over the course for the years. I couldn't however grasp the second to last statement. "He didn't really say that to you did he?"  
  
"Yeah he did." He pulled another beer from the bag that was in his hand and twisted the top off.  
  
I was about to ask where he got the liquor from but he spoke again before I got the chance.  
  
"But hell Banksie we both know you were the only one of us that had any real skill." Charlie's voice was so bitter but I was trying to let it go, he was obviously upset.  
  
"Come on Charlie you know that's not true. Come on why don't you lie down? I understand you're stressed out."  
  
"Understand? Fuck Banks you don't understand shit! You've got everything, brains, money, everything. All I ever had is hockey and now I don't even have that."  
  
I had everything yeah right, I had parents that didn't bother with me, a boyfriend that got drunk and came home and was yelling at me for no reason and a freaking scar on my wrist to go along with it all. Oh yes I had everything.   
  
"I didn't ask for the money Charlie and as for the brains, you know how my dad wants me to be the best at everything, I don't exactly have a choice. You know I'd give it all up if I could. We can finish this conversation in the morning please go to bed." I put hand on his shoulder only to be rewarded with a violent shove into the closet door. The knob dug deep into my lower back and I knew that was going to leave a nasty bruise. I stood there be wildered and wide eyed as Charlie pushed past me and proceeded to pass out on his bed. As soon as I was certain he was asleep I crumbled to the floor and cried. The pain was bad but the fact that Charlie had caused it was worse. His biting words were like needles to my heart.  
  
The next morning when I got up he was already awake sitting in his desk chair. I guess he didn't have a hang over. I didn't speak a word to him as I grabbed my shower bag and a towel and took off to the bathroom. When I got back I still said nothing to him, only went straight to my bureau and yanked out some clothes.  
  
"Oh my God, Adam did I do that?" As I expected a lovely black and blue had formed in the perfect shape of the face of the doorknob, as I stood there in just my towel Charlie got a good look at his handy work.  
  
"Yeah you did. I hope you're proud it's a pretty color." My voice was dripping with sarcasm like honey from a beehive.  
  
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. I swear Adam it was an accident. That looks pretty nasty, are you okay?"  
  
"I'll be fine, it's just a bruise, and it'll heal." I could tell my tone was curt but in all actuality I think I shouldn't have even spoke to him at all.  
  
"Adam, honestly I don't know what go into me last night. It must have been the beer. You gotta believe me, I never meant to hurt you."  
  
I know what you're thinking, 'He got drunk, insulted you and pushed you around. Then whined about how sorry he is typical abusive behavior. If you bought into it Banksie boy you're a fool.' All right, so I am officially the world's biggest fool because I bought it hook line and sinker. I mean he sounded so sincere and I loved him so much, I thought it couldn't cause any harm to take his word for it. After all Charlie wouldn't hurt a fly. 


	5. 5

~* Remember Meme loves reviews and if she doesn't get bunches of them, she doesn't like writing anymore and stops. So please click that review button.*~  
  
Charlie's POV  
  
  
  
  
Banks was afraid of me for along time after that day and I don't really know why. Every time I made a swift movement near him, he'd flinch like I was going to hit him or something. I was not an abusive boyfriend; I'd only hit him once in the time we had been together, that was when he admitted to cheating on me. Personally I think that warranted the fist to the stomach. 'What about the bruise on his back?' You ask. I didn't hit him, pushed him and that wasn't even meant to hurt him, only get him off my arm. So all of you out there thinking 'You're an asshole Charles Conway' you have no idea. I love Adam.  
  
He came into the room after another exhausting practice and collapsed onto the bed adjacent from mine, "What are you reading?"  
  
"Julius Cesar, I have to compare and contrast any two Shakespeare works for English lit." I groaned my reply without lifting my head from the pages of the book.  
  
"You could always rent the movies. Get 'O' it's based on Othello. "  
  
"That's the movie with the guy that looks like a blonde Fulton in it right?"  
  
"Yeah that's it."  
  
"Good idea. If I go pick some up, will you watch 'em with me?"  
  
"No, I just came back to take a nap and then I'm going out to run some drills."  
  
I sighed getting up; I grabbed my keys off the stereo and jammed them into my pocket.  
  
"I'm gong to the rental place, do you want anything while I'm out?"  
  
He shook his head whilst closing his eyes and settling into the pillow. I approached the bed and placed a kiss on his cheek.  
  
"I'll be back in a little bit, I love you Adam."  
  
"Humph." Was the response I received.  
  
Banks was pretending he was sleeping, I knew the technique, and I used the technique.  
  
Down at the local Blockbuster I picked up three Shakespeare related tapes and noticed all of them contained some pretty good-looking guys. 'O' had Josh Hartnett, '10 things I hate about you' Heath Ledger and 'Ronny and Julie' that kid from Dawson's Creek that Banksie is obsessed with. What's his name Jake Johnson? He says I look like him but I don't see it. I had covered Othello, Taming of the Shrew and Romeo and Juliet. I would've gotten the actual Romeo and Juliet but I had nice theme going there, plus I don't find Leonardo DiCaprio all that attractive.  
  
On the way back to campus I stopped by the liquor store and bought another six-pack. I know I'm not twenty-one yet but Peter's uncle owns the packy so he gives us whatever we ask for. Being that my boyfriend would rather run drills then spend time with me, I was in the mood for a drink. Drowned my sorrows in a beer, boy do I sound like a country song or what? Just replace to word boyfriend with sister/cousin or uncle/daddy.  
  
When I got back to the room Banksie was gone just as he said he'd be, even though I'd been forewarned it still hurt. I was hoping I'd get back and he'd either have changed his mind or was already done. No such luck I guess. So rather then snuggling with him under the covers, I watched two entire cassettes and most of another alone.   
  
The door squeaked open so slowly you'd think it wasn't even moving, as Adam slithered his way in. All the lights in the room were off and the TV was casting shadows on everything. I can guarantee he thought I was asleep by then but I wasn't. Normally I would've been but this night I had to stay awake and wait for him to come home.  
  
"Where the hell were you!" He jumped at the sound of my growl coming from the darkness  
  
"I told you, I was going to run some drills." Banks said softly pulling his sweater off.  
  
"That took three and a half hours? Come on Adam don't fucking bullshit me."  
  
"No some of the guys from the team were at the rink when I got there. We did the drills together then we all went out for a soda."  
  
"And it didn't occur to you to come back and ask your man if he wanted to go?" I snapped.  
  
"I thought you had things to do tonight, so I just wanted to stay out of your way." I couldn't understand why he was so quiet and I was yelling my fool head off.  
  
"Yeah right, I bet that's the reason! Come on Adam who is he? Who's the guy on the team you just had to go out with tonight huh? I hope he's a good kisser! Doesn't matter anyway, no one other then me would ever want you. A spoiled little rich boy, that cheats on his lovers, then slashes his wrist like an idiot when they leave him!"  
  
"You have no right to talk to me like that Charlie."  
  
"Lee Hawkins gives me every right." I snarled.  
  
"I thought we were past that." His tone wavered and I knew he was about to break. As his hands came up to his face the illumination from the television glared off the silver object around his wrist. It was the I.D. bracelet I had bought him before they released him from the hospital. I had my name engraved on it so the world could see he was mine, he sent me one a week before he got back. His hid the scar on his wrist well, which was also the other purpose of why I got it in the first place. It hid the scar but I still knew it was there. And it broke my heart.  
  
"I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean it." I marched quickly over to his bed and wrapped my arms around his slumped shoulders.  
  
"Then why did you have to say it?" He whimpered against my chest.  
  
"I'm just so scared I'm losing you, I can't lose you, to anyone or anything." I whispered in his ear soothingly  
  
"I'm not cheating on you Charlie, I don't wanna be with anyone else."  
  
"Will you be with me? Right now, tonight?" I asked huskily sliding one of my hands around the front and resting it on his toned thigh. I kissed his jaw line and then the pulse that was erratically beating in his neck.  
  
"Right now, Charlie I…" Before he could finish I had taken him off balance and we proceeded to make love.  
  
Afterward and pulled him tighter in my arms cuddling closely against his back. I felt a tear hit my hand as my arms enveloped him and I wondered why on Earth he'd be crying. 


	6. 6

~* All right nobody understands why Banks is so upset and crying, so I'll explain. How would you feel if your boyfriend told you, you were spoiled and only he would ever love you, and then forced himself on you? Not good I'd imagine. That's what Adam's going through.*~  
  
  
Adam's POV  
  
  
Charlie didn't really force me that night; at least that's what I've been telling myself since then. I never actually said 'no', I didn't even put up a fight, I know from personal experience it's easier just to let Charlie have what he wants. I mean I know I could've fought him off, we're about the same size and since I'm still playing hockey and he's not, I'm in better shape. But I didn't do that either, I simply resisted a little, you know. I figured if he really cared about me he'd notice, realize I wasn't into it and give it a rest. He didn't, just kept going until he was done. I cried myself to sleep that night, cried because it was such a hopeless situation. There wasn't really anything he could do that would make me stop caring about him, but he was working on my stopping loving him. It seemed as if I really didn't matter at all, he only felt for me when it was convenient.  
  
Charlie Conway never ceased to amaze me though, when I woke up the morning in place of my boyfriend beside me was a card. It must have been the sappiest Hallmark he could find. Corny but probably the nicest thing he'd ever done for me. I smiled to myself and sat up, leaning against my headboard. The door opened with a bang as Charlie with arms loaded, kicked it.  
  
"Oh good you're up?" He grinned at me dumping the contents of his arms onto the desk.  
  
"Mmm, smells great. What did you get?" I noticed the side of the bags read Caribou Coffee. Instantly, my stomach growled.  
  
"Well I got ya coffee, hazelnut with two sugars and extra cream." He pulled the Styrofoam cup out of the cardboard holder. " And I got an assortment of muffins, croissants and donuts because I didn't know what you wanted. Did you get your card?"  
  
"Yes I did that was truly sweet of you."  
  
"I'm really sorry you know." He sounded sincere; maybe that was just what I wanted to hear.   
  
"I know you are Charlie." I desired a subject change more then anything else "Did you get any cranberry scones?"  
  
"I did. But ya gotta gimme a kiss before you can have it."  
  
"Blackmail for my breakfast? That's low even for you Spazway."  
  
"Yeah well…"  
  
I could feel the bright pink color flooding my face again. I could never stay mad at him, especially when he was being so wonderful with me. I tossed my blankets to the floor and hopped up from my bed. My palms went to the sides of his face and my lips swept his softly.  
  
"That was cheap." He laughed when my hands fell and I stepped back. Which caused me to give him that look that wrestling guy does. What's his name, the dude with the eyes brow? Oh that's right the 'Rock'.  
  
"Excuse me, my kisses are not cheap."  
  
"That one was."  
  
"You want a better one?"  
  
"Duh."  
  
I was about to pin him to the wall and molest him when the phone rang. Charlie went to answer it so I decided to get dressed. I hoped whoever was on the other line was happy knowing they killed the mood.  
  
"Who was that?" I questioned as he hung up.  
  
"Fulton, he wants to hit the gym. He's still pretty down about Portman going to school in Chicago. I'm gonna go with him, you wanna come?" He rubbed my back gently as I pulled my tee shirt off preparing to put on my black polo shirt.  
  
"Can't I got practice." I cringed waiting for the harsh browbeating that was set to come. It didn't though.  
  
"Oh, well hey he also said all the in state Ducks are going to the pond to skate a bit tonight. You are gonna be able to make that right?"  
  
"I wouldn't miss it." I grabbed my gear, threw the bag over my shoulder, picked up my coffee and was halfway out the door before I was yanked back.  
  
"You didn't give me, my real kiss yet."  
  
I shook my head and crushed my mouth to his for a good ninety seconds, "Can I go now?"  
  
"Yeah." With that I left.  
  
  
When I got back from practice Charlie had already returned for working out with Fulton and the room stunk like sweat.  
  
"Didn't you shower?" I crinkled my nose dropping my back to the floor  
  
"Nah, it's no fun without you." You know for somebody that was straight before we got together he had a definite obsession with the sex part of our relationship. "Besides I thought you liked it when I smelled all rugged and manly."  
  
"Rugged and manly yes, like a dirty gym sock no."  
  
"I'm insulted." He brought his hand to his heart in false hurt.  
  
"Oh poor you, get over it."  
  
"You ready to get goin'?"  
  
"I'm not the one that smells like the locker room." I teased.  
  
"Okay, okay, I'll take a shower first." He grabbed his towel retreating to the bathroom.  
  
We climbed into his Nissan later that night after dumping our bags in the trunk. Unfortunately we didn't get out of the parking spot before some of the other players came over to my window. I really couldn't tell you what they wanted, but I know whatever they said pissed Charlie off. Not that him being angry was anything new lately.  
  
"Look guys Banks and I have some place to be so why don't you screw off." With that he jammed the stick into reverse and squealed out of the lot.  
  
"Alright Charlie that was childish." I snapped turning to face out the window.  
  
"What, we don't have a place to be?"  
  
"Stop it Charlie. You know what I mean. Just because I have friends now that aren't the Ducks that doesn't give you the right to be a royal dick."  
  
"I'm being a royal dick? Oh go to hell Banks, the only reason those guys even talk to you is because of hockey."  
  
I slumped down in my seat and sighed. He really knew how to make me feel low. Lower then I'd ever felt in my life. Even when I was stuck on varsity and all the whole JV hated me. We reached the pond a few minutes later after spending the rest of the ride in silence. I got out and walked over to the side of the frozen pond and sat on the edge of the water, putting on my skates. Charlie's hand came down on my shoulder as he dropped down next to me.  
  
"Hey, look sorry I over reacted on the way over." Sorry, if he says he's sorry one more time I'll kill him. "Can we not mention this?"  
  
"Fine, whatever." I got up on my skates and took off onto the ice.  
  
"You and Charlie look so cute together." Connie gushed looking over at my angry boyfriend as he stood off to the side talking to Averman and Goldberg.  
  
"Thanks." I grumbled skating off abruptly falling over Guy, knocking us both to the ground.  
  
"Adam Banks you get off my man right now." Connie put her hands on her hips and glared but I could hear the laughter in her voice.  
  
"Oh come on Cons, Banksie's got nice lips, I bet he's a better kisser then you." Guy laughed still pinned beneath me.  
  
"Wouldn't you like to find out?" I giggled giving him a seductive stare and getting up  
  
"Hey Adam's let's get going." Charlie gripped my elbow tightly and I knew not to argue.  
  
"What the hell was that?" He screamed as we were careening down the sleepy Minnesota streets.  
  
"What was what?" I put on my innocent face as if I didn't know why we was yelling.  
  
"Flirting with Guy. God Banks you're a regular male slut aren't you?"  
  
"Now you think I'm fucking around on you with Germaine? Do you even think about what you're saying before you say it? You sound ridiculous and this is ludicrous."  
  
We were still fighting when we made our way into the dorm; well we were actually standing in the hallway trying to get the door open when he dropped the bomb.  
  
"You're not to hang out with Guy anymore."  
  
"One minute I can't hang out with the rest of the hockey team, now I can't hang out with one of the Ducks. That's insane and I'm not giving up my friends Conway."  
  
"Would you rather give up me?" That was low, below the belt, but he knew it would work. I'd give up anything to keep him in my life, he'd make sure of that.  
  
"Alright Charlie, you win. I won't hang out with them anymore. I'll go to practice and I'll come home and that'll be it."  
  
"That's good, I don't like sharing you. I'm going to bed, you wanna coming?" Charlie shoved the door open.  
  
"I'll be in, in a second." As he closed the door between us I sunk to the floor in despair, but I wouldn't cry. I refused to cry this time I just wanted to die. 


	7. 7

Charlie's POV  
  
  
  
After working at Jan's skate-shop since I was twelve, it was really starting to get boring. Jan retired after Hans died I guess he decided it was too much for one guy of his age to handle. That meant I had to work long hours, luckily I was able to talk him into hiring Guy. Guy, who was over a half hour late for his shift. There hadn't been a single costumer all day, so it wasn't that I resented that I had to work extra, it was simply I had nothing to do. I was suppose to meet Fulton at the gym, like I had been for about a month at that point, but no Germaine had to ruin that by not coming to work.  
  
The bell on the door at the front of the shop jingled and I looked up from the sports section of the newspaper. My eyes wound up staring directly into a pair of hypnotizing baby blue ones.  
  
"Hi gorgeous." I smiled leaning over onto the counter, "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I got back to the room after practice and you weren't there, so I came down to see when you were getting out." Adam voice was slightly disconnected as I stared at him intently.  
  
"I'm stuck here until Guy shows up."  
  
"Oh, um Fulton called my cell phone on the way over, he wanted to know if you're still going to meet him to work out."  
  
"Yeah, did you wanna go?"  
  
His brow wrinkled as he thought about and my heart thumped. He looks so cute when he does that.  
  
"No, I've got a book report due on Monday, I think I'll stay home and work on it."  
  
"If that's what you wanna do. How about we go out for dinner tonight, just the two of us?"  
  
"I dunno, maybe."  
  
The bell jingled again, this time it was actually Guy, only forty-five minutes behind schedule.  
  
"Hey Charlie, I'm so sorry I'm late. Connie's car got stuck up in Duluth I had to go get her."  
  
"Yeah whatever." I grumbled starting to check out the register for the shift swap.  
  
"Banks, how ya doin'? I haven't seen ya in like a month." Yes, there he goes again, boyfriend-stealing creep.  
  
"Fine and you?" Banksie averted his eyes to the floor.  
  
"Good. Glad you're good too."  
  
Did they not notice I was standing right there?  
  
"Right come Adam, let's go." I took his hand and led him out.  
  
We took separate cars back to campus and he walked quickly, staying a few feet ahead of me. I knew it was because he thought I was going yell at him for talking to Guy. Is it so wrong that I want him all to myself? I mean he'd cheated on me already.  
  
"You do realize Guy's straight right?" That was the first time Adam ever initiated the conversation.  
  
"I was straight too till you came along." I tossed my keys on the end table.  
  
"Oh give me a break. You spend all your free time hanging out with Fulton, who is gay mind you, with a boyfriend that lives miles away. Where as I talk to Guy, who has a girlfriend he practically spends twenty-four hours a day with and yet you can be jealous and I cant."  
  
"I never cheated on you Adam."  
  
"There you go throwing that in my face again."  
  
"You brought it up! I'm merely stating facts!"  
  
"That's it. I'm going out."  
  
"No you're not! We're going to sit here and have a quiet romantic night together."  
  
"Charlie, I'm just going for a drive I'll be back."  
  
'No he's not, he's going to meet up with someone else. He's going to leave you' that's what was going through my head when I grabbed his wrist and bent his arm behind his back as he reached the door. He screamed out in pain, those afternoons lifting weights must have been working. I was able to prevent his escape.  
  
"I said you're not going anywhere. I meant it." As I pulled him back into the room I noticed his hand gripping his wrist. His right wrist, the wrist he screwed up during the Goodwill Games.  
  
It was already starting to turn a very unpleasant shade of purple and the swelling was coming rapidly as well. That wasn't a good thing.  
  
"Oh my god. Are you okay? I didn't mean to do that to you wrist. Can you move it?" My hand went tenderly over the swollen, bruised area of his arm.  
  
"Ow! Please don't touch it Charlie." Banks yanked his arm back and drew far away from me to the other side of the room.  
  
"You can't blame me for this, this wasn't my fault. If you would've just listened to me when I said I didn't want you to leave."  
  
"So this is all my fault then right?" He sniffled and I could tell the pain had him on the brink of tears.  
  
"Most of it yeah. Look do you need anything, a ride to the emergency room?"  
  
"No, I've got some Codeine (pain killer for those of you that don't know) left from the last I banged it up. I'm gonna take a couple, if it's still hurting in the morning, I'll see a doctor." His tone was so bland there seemed to be no emotion in it at all, and his features were so stony, he didn't even look like Adam even his bright blue eyes were clouded stormy gray.  
  
"Is there anything I can do?" I really did feel terrible, twisting his wrist like that really hadn't been my intention, and it was an accident. All I had wanted to do was keep him from leaving.  
  
"Yeah there's one thing." He answered popping a painkiller.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Leave, go out for a while so I can try to sleep off this agony."  
  
I nodded all to happy to oblige anything he wanted, if he'd asked for my left leg right then I would've chopped it off and gift wrapped it.   
  
I wandered the campus for a while, there was much I could do or places I could go. I'd left my wallet back in the room so I didn't have my student ID required to access the school activity facilities. My wandering was growing more and more aimless as time went on and before I knew I had left the University grounds. I found myself standing against a fence, watching a group of middle school kids, play roller hockey on a basketball court. The way the Ducks and I had some many times in the passed, but that's what it was in the passed. Things would never be that way again. As I stood there, the face of the young kids faces became those of our friends.  
  
~* Flash Back*~  
  
"Pass it Kenny."  
  
"Here you go Russ."  
  
"Oh great save Cat Lady."  
  
"Thanks Goldberg."  
  
"What do you say we can get a pizza, my treat."  
  
"Good idea, thanks Adam."  
  
"I knew we hung out with you for a reason Banks."  
  
"Gee love you too Conway."  
  
~*End Flashback*~  
  
  
I shook my head erasing the memory, now suddenly cold. The late afternoon sun was doing little to heat the chilly mid November day and I shivered against the unforgiving brisk Minnesota wind. What I wouldn't have given to have a pair of strong arms encircle me right then, a warm body crushed against my back radiating fever. Though I was kidding myself if I thought for one second he'd be coming to chase after me, professing undying love. He hadn't done that in weeks, in fact he hadn't said he loved me at all in weeks. I was losing him, losing control of my feelings, losing it all. I wasn't about to give him up without a fight, may it be verbal of physical, and I refused to give up. I couldn't just let him go. 


	8. 8

Adam's POV  
  
  
I had not intentions of going to sleep, nor did I plan to be home when Charlie got back. I searched the room for my pills, the pain my wrist was excruciating, far worse then it had ever been. My quest for the drugs was unavoidably slowed by the fact I could only use one hand. I pulled things out of every draw, box, bad and shelf we had in the room and found nothing. I threw myself onto my bed with an exasperated sigh, then remembered like the dope that I am, my Codeine was in my hockey bag. I popped the top off the container, downed two capsules and grabbed my keys.  
  
I didn't really know where I was going to go until I got in the car. All I knew was I needed to get away from Charlie and to be cheered up. The best place to be cheered up was Averman and Goldberg's apartment, they always knew how to make me laugh no matter my mood. My Porsche knew exactly where it was going before I did. One minute I was in the parking lot the next I was parked outside of their development.   
  
I climbed the stairs slowly, my head hurt from the crying I'd done on the drive over, my wrist still hurt something fierce, and the medicine hadn't kicked in yet. As I knocked on the door I wondered how I'd explain the situation to the guys, then I realized Les and Greg probably wouldn't ask. I heard voices from inside, muffled by the door and for a second I thought about turning around and retreating but the lock clicked before I got the chance.  
  
"If that's the pizza guy the money's on the table." Goldberg yelled as the door swung open  
  
"Nah, it's just Banks." Averman yelled back stepping aside so I could get in  
  
"Hey Cake-Eater." Well one of the unidentified voices was Jesse and he threw his arms around me. "Sorry I couldn't get to Connecticut to see you in the hospital."  
  
"It's okay Jesse don't worry about it. So what are you guys doing here?" I asked noticing Terry, Guy and Connie were all sitting around the kitchen table.  
  
"Playing poker, bring you wallet?" Guy queried  
  
"Yeah." I grinned, the team loves playing with me because I always lose and have more money for them to win.  
  
I walked into the room and took a seat between Jesse and Averman. They dealt the cards and as I reached out to pick mine up, the light fell on my wrist. All the guys' eyes went wide in awe and Connie's pretty face contorted with worry.  
  
"Banks what happened to your wrist?" She reached out and touched it gingerly causing me to flinch  
  
"Umm Charlie, he uh wrenched it." If it were just the guys I probably would've lied and said I hurt it playing, but I couldn't lie to Connie, she was too sweet to defraud.  
  
"Why the hell would he do something like that?" Goldberg looked at me like I six heads  
"Because we got into a fight and I wanted to leave. It was stupid he thinks I want Guy." I said sipping my Coke trying to not look at the blonde that was so recently became the center of my problems  
  
"Adam does Charlie do stuff like that a lot?" Connie put her hand on my shoulder  
  
"Not usually, I mean he's only gotten physical one other time. He knocked me into the wall. Most of the time he just yells a lot, tells me I'm worthless and no one wants me but him, you know?"  
  
"Wow I thought you two had the perfect relationship." Terry spoke for the first time since I got there  
  
"I did too at first, but I guess nothing's perfect." I yawed as the painkillers were beginning to take effect  
  
"Tired?" Averman observed  
  
"A little." I nodded "From the pills I took. Could one of you guys drive me back to the dorms? I'm to tired to get behind the wheel."  
  
"You can't go back there Banks. Not after what Conway pulled." That was Guy "Why don't you come over to my place, you'll have to sleep on the floor but at least I'm not gonna break your wrist or worse."  
  
"No, stay here we've got a pull out couch." Averman asserted   
  
"Yeah, it's better then the floor." Goldberg affirmed  
  
"Thanks guys." I really wasn't to keen on the idea but then if I went home, I didn't know what would be waiting for me at home. What kind of monster my boyfriend would be when I walked through the door. After taking, that all into consideration I decided staying there probably was the best thing for me.  
  
The next morning I got up extra early and snuck out of the apartment before my friends woke up. I had classes that day and I didn't want to be late. What I hadn't expected was that Charlie would not only be there when I got back but he'd be awake. He was both. I watched as he paced the room like a caged animal. I was sitting on the edge on my desk chair and I was beginning to feel like I was on display from the looks he was giving me.  
  
"Would you please stand still you're making me nervous." I stated fidgeting with the buttons on my shirt  
  
"I'm not asking you where you were. I don't care where you were. All I have to ask is why the fuck you took off on me?" His voice was bitter and unforgiving  
  
"Because I'm afraid you, Charlie. I've never been afraid of anyone the way I am of you, not even my dad."  
  
"Yeah okay Adam."  
  
"I'm serious, you've been petrifying me for weeks. Look what you did to my goddamn wrist. You know why I haven't gone to get and x-ray? It's simple if I do I know they're going to tell me I can't play for the rest of the season. I don't know what's gotten into you, but I don't like it. You're not the same guy I fell in love with."  
  
"You wanna know what's been bothering me, I'll tell you. Two months ago I got a phone call from Bombay, he wants me to be the best man at his wedding."  
  
"Oh I can see how that would upset you. The guy you've idolized since you were ten wants you to be in his wedding. And I'd imagine that he's marrying your mom in the first place."  
  
"That's the fucking problem, he's not marrying mom. My mother is apparently just his friend. He met up with Ms. McKay at some Goodwill Games thing last year; they've been dating ever since. That's who he's marrying."  
  
"Oh I'm sorry Charlie."  
  
"It's no big deal, he's just another person that let me down. First my dad made my mom leave him, then mom married that asshole Mike instead of waiting for Gordon to come back from the minor leagues, Hans for dying, you for cheating on me and now him for deserting me."  
  
"I didn't mean to let you down." I put my arms around him and let him nestle his head against my shoulder  
  
"I know. I love you Banksie." He was clinging very tightly to me  
  
"I love you too." I had forgotten all about the rocket of pain that was surging up my arm only minutes before. That was the boy I fell for, the one that had feelings other then screeching and anger.  
  
We held each other tightly for a few more minutes before he wiped the tears from his eyes and we set out to go to class. I went to practice feeling like I was walking on air. I thought with the break through Charlie had made that morning everything could go back to being perfect again. I actually found myself rushing back from the rink to be with him. Can we say stupid Banks? The first thing I smelled when I pushed the door open was liquor. As soon as the smell started assaulting my nostrils, I was tempted to high tail it out of the room. I couldn't though, not after the talk we had, I didn't want him to think I was turning on him like everyone.  
  
"You're drinking again, Hun." I started cautiously   
  
"Huh, oh yeah. I wanted a beer but Peter's uncle suggested I try this." He held out a bottle the red After Shock on it "It's pretty good. You know Banksie you look very sexy."  
  
Yes, he was drunk.  
  
"Okay, you're smashed again. Lay down and sleep it off." Why in the hell did I get involved in that conversation again? Oh that's right I was a moron, I remembered what happened the last time he was drunk and I didn't care.  
  
"I've got a better idea, why don't you come lay down with me?" He stumbled from his spot on his bed and wrapped him arms around my waist "You look very up tight Banksie. You should relax."  
  
"Charlie, come on baby, go to bed."  
  
"No, no, you need a massage. Come here, you lay down, I'll give you one." He tried to pull me with him, but I wasn't going to anywhere. He was however, quiet a bit stronger then me those days, if he realized that he would've just yanked or dragged me to the set destination.  
  
"Charlie please I'm begging you." I was at the whining point now. "I think you sho-" The rest of my comment was cut off by the tongue rammed in my mouth. I pushed lightly against his chest, as his kisses grew more aggressive, I mustered all my strength and knocked him on his ass. That was more then likely the worst thing to do.  
  
"You fucking, no good, dick tease!" Dick tease that was a new one. Of course, he was screaming it as he lifted his inebriated butt off the floor.  
  
"Honey please calm down." I held my hands up in a defensive gesture. A gesture of course that was rewarded with a fist to the face. So much, for at least he's never hit me, essentially I spoke to soon. 


	9. 9

Charlie's POV  
  
  
  
I snuck out before Adam got up again the next time. I had a plan, one that didn't include coffee and donuts, knew I had screwed up big time the night before and it was going to take more then breakfast to make up for it. I kissed his forehead and he stirred slightly but didn't wake and I winced at the shiner that was surrounding one of his bright blue eyes. God I'd been so stupid, I fucked up big time, I only hoped what I had in mind would fix things.  
  
My arms were loaded again when I got to the door and I realized it was going to be hard to open without the use of my arms.  
  
"Adam open up." I called kicking the door lightly "Come on Banksie, my arms are full."  
  
Nothing. Hmm, odd. That's when I came to the conclusion that he wasn't going to let me in. I juggled the bouquet that was lying in arms and turned the knob, the small velvet box in my pocket rubbing against my thigh as I entered the room. The empty, dark room. In place of my boyfriend, the man I hoped would agree to be my husband, was a note. A note smeared with tears.  
  
"Charlie,  
  
  
I've been trying to think of the best way to do this for days now. But I guess I took the coward's way out. I can't be with you anymore; I can't be treated this way anymore. I went home, please don't call me or show up there. My parents and the staff know the truth; they won't let you near me. I wish we could make this work, for weeks I've been trying. I don't see how that's ever going to happen. It won't happen until you learn to deal with your problems, your anger you're drinking. I'll always love you Charlie but this is a love that hurts.  
  
A tear rolls down from my swollen eyes  
All those loving words turned to lies  
The handprint sits upon my cheek  
Fat lips make it hard to speak  
"I'll never do it again" you always say  
Yet you repeat the pattern the very next day  
You want me to say it's all my fault  
That my face bares that welt  
"I'm sorry, I love you. " I'm so sick of those words  
You idea of love truly hurts  
Why do you hit me it stings so bad  
Why must you always get so mad  
My body will heal I'll move on find a new start  
Yet I'm left with an open wound on my heart  
I won't forgive and can't forget  
All those times I have wept  
Goodbye to you my abusive friend  
For the pain this is the end   
  
I'll be back around six to get the rest of my things I'd appreciate it if you weren't here. That'll only make things harder on both of us.  
Adam"  
  
  
If he thought for one second I wasn't going to be there when he got back he was crazy. After I finished reading the letter, something caught my eye, something silver, his bracelet. It hadn't been removed from his wrist since I gave it to him and there it was sitting unloved on the table. Quickly my mind went to my bracelet that I had left on the bathroom sink shelf that morning. It was gone. Shit, he took it.  
  
When the door opened at 6:00 that night I was not only there but I had been sitting there the entire day waiting. To my surprise however Banks wasn't the first person to walk in. Portman was, he'd been visiting Fulton for the weekend when Adam called and asked for some help moving his stuff. That and I think he wanted some protection, it wasn't like I was going hit him or anything. I wanted to marry the stupid bastard.  
  
"Banks, let's talk about this." I tried as he started clearing off his desk.  
  
"There's nothing to talk about Charlie. You weren't even supposed to be here. I didn't want to see you." He said softly.  
  
"Come on we can work this out."  
  
"No, no, we can't, we can't work this out."  
  
"We've got to fix things."  
  
"Charlie, you've got to fix yourself, as long as you refuse to see what you're doing is wrong I can't be with you."  
  
The Bash Brothers came back from loading some boxes in the car then and I looked straight at them. I'd never told Banksie I loved him in front of people before. At that point I didn't care who was in the room.  
  
"But Adam, I love you."   
  
He gulped and looked me in the eye, "I love you too, I always will, I just can't do it anymore."  
  
"Banks let's go." Portman tipped his head in the direction as Fulton bent over to pick up the last box. I watched Dean check out his boyfriend's butt, a sight I would've found comical if I wasn't losing mine at that very moment.  
  
I reached for Adam's shoulders as he turned to leave, "Please, don't do this Banksie."  
  
"I have to." He responded below a whisper.  
  
"Get your hands off him Charlie, I swear to god if I ever see another mark on him again…" That was Portman.  
  
"Dean." Fulton warned and lightly pushed the two other boys out of the room.  
  
"Fulton." I looked at him with pleading eyes "Talk to him, don't let him leave me."  
  
"Spazway, we've been friends for a long time. After Portman you're probably my best friend, don't try to make me choose between you and what's right, you won't win." He picked up Banks' hockey bag and then he too left. I was alone, heart broken and in desperate need of a drink.  
  
I tossed the empty tequila bottle into the back seat, the speedometer rising steadily. I didn't know when I got into the hard booze but it seeded to be helping my heartache. However it was giving me a headache, I was hearing ringing. That wasn't ringing it was sirens? Cops, shit I was under age and drunk. I was in some unbelievable trouble. That's the last thing that wanted through my head before the squeal of the brake, the sound of twisted metal and the air bag. 


	10. 10

Adam's POV  
  
  
I couldn't believe I actually left him. The ride from the college to Edina seemed so unreal. I don't think I've ever felt as empty at any other point in my life as I did that day. I don't even remember saying a word to Dean and Fulton as they helped me carry my boxes up to my bedroom. Thinking back the situation was rather comical, all of this started because Charlie thought I wanted to be with a straight guy that I didn't find all that attractive. But there were two very hot gay men bringing in my stuff for me once we broke up. I'm pretty sure I managed a 'thank you' at least, but that may have been all. In truth if they hadn't have been there that day I probably would've chickened out and stayed with Charlie. After Portman threatened him though I realized how real the situation was, I needed to leave him. Yet as I sat there alone in my room that night, I missed his warm breath on my neck and the way he rested his hand on my stomach jut below my bellybutton as we lay in bed together.  
  
For the first time in my life something or someone didn't define me. In the peewees I was Banks best player on the team, then I was Banks the resident Cake-Eater, after that came Banks mostly likely to succeed, lastly was Banks Charlie's boyfriend. I was no longer any of those things.  
  
Practically drowning in my depression I heaved myself off my bed and crossed the room to turn my stereo on. I found the station least likely to play some bleeding hearted, melodramatic dribble that would only remind me of Charlie and furthermore dispiriting me. Then I crawled back onto the bed to wallow longer in my self-pity. In the middle of the Freebird piano rift, I heard a faint knock on the door. I had two choices; I could ignore the noise and pretend to be so enthralled in Lynyrd Skynyrd that I couldn't hear them open it up, therefore exposing them to my mood and myself to whatever it was they had to say.  
  
"Adam honey open up." Ugh, my mother, I couldn't just leave her standing in the hallway. So I let out an annoyed sigh and went to let her in.  
  
"Hi mom." I stepped back so she could enter my room and she walked directly over to my bed.  
  
"Come talk to me sweetie." She patted a spot next to her on the bed and I begrudgingly went to sit by her.  
  
"What do you want to talk about?"  
  
"Well I was thinking you'd tell me what's going on between you and Charlie."  
  
"I'd rather not if it's all the same."  
  
"No Adam it's not. Please tell me what's happening concerning you two. You've never kept anything from me."  
  
I tossed myself back onto my pillows with a groan and glared at the ceiling as if it had in some way offended me.  
  
"He's getting really angry lately, angrier then I've ever seen anyone, even Dad. But the anger, that's not really the problem anyhow, it's what he does to me when he's angry." I held up my wrist and slowly began to unravel the bandage.  
  
I guess she wasn't expecting it to look the way it did, nearly black and swollen to double its normal size. The expression on her face was a totally horrified one, "Oh my god! He did that to you?"  
  
"Yeah, that's what happens when he had a long day at work and you try to leave during a fight."  
  
"And the black eye?"  
  
"That's after he's had a bottle of After Shock and you pushed him because you're not in the mood to get frisky." I replied softly beginning to rewrap my wrist.  
  
"Oh sweetheart." Funny I hadn't even noticed I was crying until my mom wiped a tear from my eye, "I never thought of Charlie as such a beast."  
  
"Neither did I, that's why I let myself fall in love with him. Am I a complete fool?"  
  
"No, you're not a fool. You're a sweet, smart, talented, good looking, young man that deserves so much more better then someone like Charles Conway."  
  
"Thanks Mom." I forced a smile.  
  
"You look tired honey, why don't you get some rest. I'll have Darcy wake you when dinner's finished." She patted my shoulder and left me alone. Sleep sounded like a good idea to me.  
  
I woke up to the familiar sound of tapping at the door. At first I was confused by my surroundings and forgot I was home, safe in my own bed. It was already dark out and my alarm clock read 10:00 PM. I stumbled sleepily to the door and found our maid Darcy was on the other side. I know I sound snotty by mentioning my maid, but she's more like a member of the family. My parents hired her when I was born, my mom isn't very domestic and having two children under the age of six wasn't her idea of fun. Being that she can't cook and hates to clean as well Darcy Murphy became a welcome addition to the Banks house hold.  
  
"Mr. Banks, I thought maybe since you didn't make it down to supper, you might be hungry." She held out her hand, a ham and cheese sandwich in it.  
  
"Darcy please, Mr. Banks is my father, maybe even Taylor (my brother) but you've been calling me Adam my whole life don't stop now."  
  
"Right. Sorry. You're parents would like you to come down them in the sitting room. They'd like to speak with you."   
  
"I'm not really in the mood to deal with them, could you tell them that I'm still awful tired, I'll talk to them in the morning."  
  
"Certainly." She handed me my sandwich and turned to head down the stairs.  
  
I looked around my empty room and couldn't help but feel lonely. My boxes were still lying unpacked on the floor against my closet door and I drifted toward them to start unpacking. As I dug through the miscellaneous objects my hand fell on a vinyl bound, thick book, my journal. I know you're thinking, 'geeze Banksie you keep a diary, how queer can you be?' Well honestly, I don't care if that's what you're thinking. I've never been one to share my feelings with anyone but sometimes you have to let it out, a journal was the best way to do that. I pulled the book from the box and curled up in the recliner in the corner of my room. I opened to a random page and began to read.  
  
'First day of senior year, Charlie is still dating that Catherine girl. I don't see why he likes her. So what if she's pretty and friendly with a cute British accent? Okay so I'm jealous, I'm allowed to be. What are you going to do about it? I just wish that he'd realize that all those girls will only hurt him and that I'm the only person in this world that's going to love and cherish him unconditionally forever.'  
  
Just my luck, of course I had to find an entry dedicated to my undying adoration for Charlie. I flipped aimlessly through some more pages until I found another passage that caught my attention.  
  
'We kissed! Charlie and I at Jesse's party last night. I know I sound like a fourteen year old girl, guess what I don't care. I told him how I felt about him and he kissed me. We fell asleep in each other arms and everything. It seems so surreal; I can't believe it really happened. He says he doesn't know if this will work out, but he's willing to give it a try. I know everything is going to be great because I love him so much, I'll do anything in my power to make sure nothing comes between us.'  
  
Hmm, a little naïve wasn't I? For some unknown reason I couldn't stop myself from reading all those old accounts, so I continued to scan.  
  
'I screwed everything up. Charlie hates me. I did probably the worst possible thing to him. I cheated on him. I don't even have a good excuse for it. I can't live without him. I don't want to live without him.'  
  
Flowing like a river,  
Staining all it touches.  
Crimson, scarlet, red,  
The colors of pain.   
It mixes with the tears.  
Swirling.  
Pouring from the open wound.   
The knife sits on the floor.  
Then the bleeding stops.  
DEATH."  
  
Well that was depressing. I needed to find something not so sad to read.  
  
'I'm leaving the hospital today. Charlie's been right here by my side all week. He's so sweet. He told me he loved me; you have no idea how good that makes me feel. Well maybe you do. You're the only one. He bought me this great ID bracelet to cover my scar, I think that's the most romantic thing anyone has done for me. Well I better get going; he's waiting for me so we can go. And I don't want to have to walk home. Not that I think he'll make me, cause he loves me! Everything's perfect.'  
  
Wow I was sick in the head wasn't I? That was quite possibly the saddest of all the things I've written. Nothing's perfect. Why'd I have to learn the hard way?  
  
My cell phone started ringing in my pocket at that moment and it made me jump. The caller ID read 'Casey Conway'. Charlie didn't listen at all.  
  
"Didn't I tell you not to call me?" I shouted clicking the talk button.  
  
"Adam?" The voice on the other side was a tiny, sad female voice.   
  
"Casey?"  
  
"Yeah. Umm I know you and Charlie are having some trouble right now, but I thought you might want to know, he's been in a car accident. He should be okay, he just broke an ankle and his nose, but they're keeping him over night for observation. I think it would make him really happy if you went down and saw him though."  
  
"I can't Casey I'm sorry."  
  
"Alright, you can go see him tomorrow then, after he released they're taking him over to the detention center for DUI."  
  
"No, I can't do that either. I'm really sorry I have to go." I hung up quickly my mind a whirlwind of emotion. Charlie was hurt, and I couldn't be by his side. 


	11. 11

Charlie's POV  
  
  
When I woke the next day, I was in a totally white room with a splitting headache. My mouth tasted like something had died in it and I was wearing one of those hospital nighties with my ass hanging out. What I couldn't figure out for the life of me was how I got there.  
  
"Well, Mr. Conway you're awake." I turned my head the best I could in spite of the neck brace I was wearing and saw a plump dark haired women in a nurse's uniform standing by the door blood pressure cuff in hand.  
  
"Yeah, awake and confused. How'd I get here?" My voice was scratchy and groggy and talking wasn't doing anything for my headache.  
  
"You don't remember?"  
  
"I wouldn't have asked if I did."  
  
"Hmm, that could either be from the slight concussion you suffered or the large amount of alcohol you consumed before the accident." The women took my pulse then my temperature and I had to wait for the thermometer to be removed before I could speak.  
  
"Accident? Oh my god, I wrecked my car." Suddenly all the memories of the day prior came flooding back. Adam left me, I wanted a drink, I didn't have any money so I swung by Jan's and burrowed some cash from the register, I got something to drink and I crashed. None of the above things were very good, I know. "Did they do a blood test?"  
  
"Yes they did, you were at 1.2. That's well over the legal limit, being that you're under age, I'm sure you're gonna be in a whole mess of trouble." Thankfully her sermon was cut short when the head of a pretty blonde girl was stuck in the door. It was Tammy Duncan.  
  
"Hi, can we come in?"  
  
"Certainly. If you need anything guys just ring the buzzer and ask for Ruth." The nurse left and the long train of Ducks walked in. The out of state Ducks hadn't flown in like they had when Banks was in the hospital but then we didn't know if he would make it, I was in okay condition. With the exception of my sprained ankle and broken nose.  
  
"What the hell were you thinking driving drunk Spazway?" Karp was yelling at me before everyone even got in the room.  
  
"That it was a good day to test my airbags and antilock brakes." I shot back defensively. By then everyone had entered, everyone but Adam. "Guys where's Banksie?"  
  
Fulton and Dean looked at each other obviously one of them had spoken to him, from the look Jesse's face I could tell he had too. Hall got to be the one to tell me.  
  
"Cake-Eater isn't coming Charlie, he sent you a balloon but he's not coming." Jesse handed me a 'Get Well Soon' balloon.  
  
I couldn't believe it; Banks leaves me, breaking my heart in the process and then doesn't even have the common courtesy to come see me in the hospital that was unfathomable.  
"He's not coming, you're kidding me right?"  
  
"No Spazway he's not coming." Peter always did put things so delicately.  
  
"He's not sure coming here would've been a good idea after all that happened." Tommy tried to break it to me easily.  
  
"He doesn't love me anymore." My voice was barely above a whisper; no one else even heard it above their own chattering.  
  
"Alright, isn't Oprah on?" Averman asked reaching for my remote control, of course being that he's Averman he accidentally hit the wrong button and my bed began to fold up with me in it.  
  
"Stop!" Everyone yelled as Goldberg lunged at him knocking him off the chair. Les hit the floor with a thud, looking around to see who the offender was that pushed him to the ground.  
  
Yup, those were my friends.  
  
"Hey guys could you uh, leave me and Charlie alone for a minute? I've gotta ask him something." Guy spoke for the first time since he got there.  
  
Everyone cleared the room and Guy walked toward me.  
  
"Charlie, did you take money from the register at the shop last night?"  
  
"Did I what? Are you accusing me off stealing Germaine?" I lathered my voice with phony hurt.  
  
"No, it's just that when I left yesterday at the end of my shift there was a certain amount in it and when I went back today there was some missing."  
  
"I didn't take it." I blatantly lied to someone that had been as close as a brother to me since we were six.  
  
"Oh… Maybe I miss counted or something. Jan's not going to be happy."   
  
We were interrupted then by another knock on the door, this time however rather then there being a long line of my companions with smiles behind it there were the stern glares of a two police officers.   
  
"Charles Conway?" The lady cop crossed her arms.  
  
"Yes."   
  
"Get dressed, we're taking you down to precinct." Oh goodie, I was going to jail.  
  
I was so glad I wasn't Banksie while I was sitting alone in that cell; he's so claustrophobic he probably would've died or at the very least had a nervous break down. I on the other hand was bored out of my cotton-picking mind. Nobody to talk to, boring. When one of the station cops came over to the cell after I'd been isolated for a good hour I nearly turned a summersault with excitement.  
  
"Mr. Conway, you attorney's here."  
  
"I haven't called my lawyer yet." I declared walking to the sliding cell door and the policemen unlocked it.  
  
"There's one waiting for you in the interrogation room, says he knows you."  
  
Bombay.   
  
When I was led into the room though the lawyer in front of me was familiar, it wasn't Couch Bombay.  
  
"Charlie, Gordon wanted me to tell you he's sorry he couldn't represent you but he said you'd know why."  
  
Of course I know why. He's been upset because I didn't learn from his mistakes and got arrested for DUI.  
  
"Yeah I understand. So Mr. Banks, why are you defending me." That's right Philip Banks was my attorney  
  
"My son woke me up this morning a basket case begging me to keep you out of prison. For some unknown reason and everything you did to him notwithstanding, he still cares about you."  
  
Make me feel worse why didn't he?  
  
We discussed my defense and Philip gave me the heads up on what to expect at the hearing, which was scheduled for later that afternoon. Then I was escorted back to my roomy holding place.  
  
My mom was at the hearing sitting in the front row, looking like a nervous wreck. I could tell she'd been crying all night and I felt so awful knowing it was my fault. But the thing that really got to me was Adam. I know I didn't want me to notice him there, but in truth I could've picked him out of a million people. He was sitting in the last seat in the last row with astonished eyes. I couldn't help but stare at him as he watched the judge intensely. I wasn't even paying that much attention to the judge and it was my trial. There was still a bruise around his eye and while it wasn't as dark as it had been the last time I saw him it was nonetheless pretty nasty looking. I couldn't believe I did that. It was hard enough to wrap my mind around the fact I hurt someone. But Adam? I loved him. How could I have done that to him? I thought about a lot of things while sitting in that hard wood chair, thought about swiping money from Jan, being jealous of Guy and hitting Banksie. What was I becoming? What kind of person was I turning into?  
  
When the sentence came down of a thirty-day alcohol treatment program, I almost wished for more. I needed more, life in prison, the electric chair. After all I did I shouldn't have gotten off that easily. But I guess driving Adam out of my life forever was as good of a punishment as any. As the cuffs went around my wrist I distinctly heard a whimper at first I thought it was my mom. But in retrospect I think it came from me as I watched a single tear trickle down Banksie's cheek as they pushed me out the door to the awaiting paddy wagon.   
  
~* Anyone that's reading this say thanks to Cake-Eater because if it wasn't for Quimby I would've stopped writing this already. And also kisses to Nicci for proof reading cuz I'm really bad at grammar and spelling. She's a life saver.*~ 


	12. 12

Adam's POV  
  
  
  
  
Charlie was in the rehab center for about a month, a month that I didn't see him, didn't talk to him, yet couldn't stop thinking about him. I wanted to but I couldn't. He'd been such a valuable part of my life so long that it was a bit illusory not to have him there. I was having a really hard time moving on. My heart ached for him you know? After everything he put me through I hated waking up and not finding his arms wound around my waist. I wanted to crawl back to him and beg he forgive me for leaving him, but I knew he wronged me. I couldn't allow myself to go back until I knew he was better. In truth I had little faith he ever would be. All hope I had for him vanished the day I found out he stole money from Jan to buy liquor. Then he let poor Guy take the wrap for losing it.  
  
He called me a few times when he first got out, but I didn't take the calls. I knew he wasn't the same Charlie Conway I fell in love with, I wasn't the same Adam Banks he once dated either. I tried to find as many ways to keep myself occupied and get my mind off him as possible. I took a job at Jan's shop since Charlie couldn't work and Guy had been fired. He was to good of a friend to tell the truth and turn Charlie in. As much as I liked working (it was the first job I ever had) being around hockey didn't really help. It was funny because the ice always made me forget my troubles, well usually. Then though it only served to remind me more of Charlie. If it wasn't for the stupid game of hockey we never would've been together, neither of us would've gone through the shit of the prior months.  
  
I didn't really do well in college that semester either. School always came so easy to me and then everything happened, I just couldn't think straight. Every time I heard the word 'asshole' or anything derogatory I looked up to see if someone was talking to me. That's the effect all of this had on me. If I remember correctly I almost failed out that year. My dad would've loved that.  
  
Speaking of my father he did seem like a completely different person during the whole ordeal though. Not just by not totally flipping when he found out I was gay, but because he was actually trying to understand what I was feeling. He didn't put up much of a fight when I asked him to defend Conway despite all the pain he caused. Dad even put up with my unvarying moping. Basically I was the broken hearted fourteen year old daughter he never had. He only told me to shut up once and apologized right quick because it only made me cry. Yes that's right Adam Banks was a blubbering baby and an emotional basket case.  
  
The night before Bombay's wedding I was a nervous wreck. The rehearsal dinner would be the first time since Charlie's hearing that we were in the same room. I contemplated not going but as an usher I sort of had to. Guy, Les, Goldberg, Fulton and I were all in the wedding party because we'd been Ducks the longest. It was such an honor that the coach invited us to be part of the ceremony that I couldn't turn him down. I had to grit my teeth and bare it no matter how much I wanted to spend the day nested in my nice warm bed reading Poe in my boxer shorts.  
  
I showered reluctantly and pulled on my favorite khakis and a button down denim shirt. After spending a good twenty minutes on my hair, I stood admiring my reflection in the bath room mirror, I looked pretty good. I'm not actually that self confident of a person, that was always more Charlie's thing but I have to say that night I felt like a completely different. Oh who am I kidding? I think subconsciously I was trying to look good for Charlie. Maybe to make him suffer a little but by letting him see what he gave up, also hopefully making him think I had moved on. Then he didn't really give me up exactly, it was the opposite really. He was so obsessed with having me that I was almost like a possession he's fight anyone (including me) to keep. If those fights hadn't ended with me bruised somewhere or another I may never have left him, it felt good to be desired that much.  
  
I parked my Porsche next to Averman's beat up old Chrysler and went inside the church, after taking a deep breath. Guy, Goldberg, Averman and Fulton were all standing in their places near Bombay when I arrived and I hurries to the altar to get to my spot.  
  
"Sorry I'm so late Coach." I whispered slipping between Guy and Goldberg.  
  
"It's okay Banks, Charlie's not here yet either." He responded checking his watch nervously.  
  
I was rather impressed that Conway had agreed to be the best man after all the hard feelings he had about Gordon not marrying Casey. I was shocked too, not that I know why, he'd been doing a lot of things that were out of character at that point. Going along with something he was so vehement about was definitely not something that was normal behavior for him.  
  
Moments later the church door flew open and Charlie came racing up the aisle full tilt and panting.  
  
"Sorry Coach, I missed the bus." He managed between gasps. Funny, he lost his license and cracked up his car and refused to ask anyone for a ride. That was my Charlie, wait no he wasn't mine anymore.  
  
"It's okay Charlie." Bombay patted his shoulder and slid over so the best man could take his place.  
  
We practiced the service three or four times before we got everything down right. Though even then it wasn't perfect, Ms. McKay was crying so much she forgot her vows. It was funny the first two times, however by the third time everybody was getting frustrated. Bombay looked like he was about to call the entire thing off if she didn't get a hold of herself.  
  
The dinner was nice though, I sat with Dean and Fulton, they'd been becoming my confidantes in those months. Portman wasn't in the wedding but apparently dates were allowed. I kind of wish I had brought someone, I could've gotten Lee to fly out from Connecticut, we'd been in contact a lot over that span of time. Watching the Bash Brothers was a combination depressing and nauseating. I can't think of another word to describe them other then cute. Their blatant attractiveness aside they were cute together. Cute to the point of Fulton feeding Portman his chocolate mousse, I nearly vomited at how mushy they were being.  
  
What was it I said earlier about the dinner being enjoyable? Okay I take that back. When you mixed the awkwardness of watching the Bashers play tonsil hockey and the loneliness I was already feeling, that restaurant was the last place I wanted to be. Needless to say I wasn't looking forward to the wedding.  
  
"So Banks, what are you thinking about?" Connie lowered herself into the seat beside me.  
  
I hadn't even noticed I was spacing out but I must have been because when I looked up Connie was there and the Bashes weren't. Connie and I never been remarkably close but she was a really sweet girl and hating nothing more then seeing her friends in pain.  
  
"Huh? Oh hey Cons." I shook the cobwebs from my head and plastered on a phony smile  
  
"Why don't you just go talk to him?" She sighed tucking a strand of the long brown hair behind her ear  
  
"Talk to who?" As soon as I asked she narrowed her eyes at me and I figured it out "Oh Charlie."  
  
"Look Adam, I know out of sight out mind but I think…"  
  
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." I cut her off with a cliché of my own.  
  
"So you do still have feelings for Captain Ducklings?"  
  
"Of course I do, I've been head over heels for him for years. Things like that don't just simply change, no matter what he puts me through. I mean if it were you and Guy, you wouldn't be able to just turn off all you emotions. Things aren't that simple. Besides being with him was the best time of my life in the beginning. I guess some of the nostalgia hasn't worn off yet."  
  
"If you want to be with him so badly Banks talk to him, work things out."  
  
"I dunno if I can. I don't want to fall back into old habits. I can't take the way he treated me again. Did you know after the first fight I contemplated suicide again? I thought if I was such so worthless and if the only person that would ever want me was a guy who hit me and called me names, then there was no reason for me to live at all."  
  
Her voice grew so soft I had to strain to hear her   
"No I didn't."  
  
"Nobody does, I didn't tell anyone. You were the thing that stopped me though, you and the rest of the Ducks. I couldn't put the team through that. Then he apologized up and down. I was so certain everything would be okay. Plus I was so afraid of losing him, my feelings for him had been my one constant all these years. I refused to give up on him. When we were together I was a different person and not necessarily one I care for. He made me weak, I needed him, depended on him."  
  
"Well if that's how you feel then I guess it's for the best you're not together anymore. I'm gonna go rescue Guy from Ms McKay and her 'I'm do glad you care enough to be in my wedding' spiel." She even made the quotations with her fingers before leaving the table.  
  
The truth in the matter was I didn't know how I felt and when I turned my head my gaze fell on Charlie, who was staring intently at me. I felt my stomach knot as I grabbed my keys from my pocket and left, I couldn't stay there any longer. 


	13. 13

~* I only got 2 reviews for the last chapter so that leads me believe I lost my touch or my readers. So um this will be the end. Luv yas*~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Charlie's POV  
  
  
I don't know what I was smoking the day I decided that being Bombay's best man was a good idea but as I stood in his living room adjusting my cummerbund for the twentieth time I was certain it was something very strong. The rest of the groom's men were getting dressed or showering, well except for Banks, he had decided not to get ready with us, he said he'd meet us at the church. I kind of got the hint he was avoiding me. It wasn't very hard to guess from the way he fled the rehearsal dinner when he noticed I was looking at him. He was gone at warp speed.  
  
It was a good thing we were lucky enough that we got to wear those nifty pins rather then bowties with our tuxes because Banksie was the only person I'd ever met that could tie the damn things. Stupid Cake-eater talent I guess. But he wasn't there so we would've all been up the creek without a paddle.  
  
My mother was actually going to this thing too, which absolutely boggles the mind. I mean I'm not sure which is weirder the fact that Ms. McKay let her fiancé invite his ex-girlfriend, the fact that Bombay did invite her or that my mom essentially didn't pass up the invitation. She said that she'd been friends with Gordon eight years and she owed it to him to be there.  
  
"Hey Charlie were getting ready to go, the limo's already here. Are you set to roll?" Fulton and I had been pretty close over the years, I'd say after Portman I was his best friend. But ever since Adam and I had broken up he'd been pretty icy toward me. The bitterness in his tone was not lost on me at that moment either.  
  
"Yeah, I'm all set let's go." I allowed the Bash Brother to descend the stairs of the coach's condo before me, not because I being kind, simply because I didn't trust him not to push me down all three flights then step on me at the bottom. I knew that Fulton was the second most loyal person to the ducks stick together motto but he was also the type that wouldn't let someone that hurt one of his friends go unpunished. And I hurt Banks.  
  
I can't tell you what the conversation in the limousine on the was the ceremony was about. My mind was on things other then what they were discussing. Honestly I was dreading when the brakes would ease on, the care would stop and I'd have to go in. I was so nervous you'd think I was the one getting hitched that day. I guess in a way I did have cold feet. I had been up the entire night prior egging myself to get the lead out and beg Banks to forgive me. I didn't have any intentions of doing it though, no matter how I wanted to I was petrified that he'd spit in my face of something worse. If I didn't say anything at least I wouldn't be living with the truth that I ruined everything. If I didn't mention it, I could hold on to the hope that he'd have me back.  
  
He was already there when we got to the altar, standing where he was suppose to be with his hands stuffed in his pockets. I have to say he were that tuxedo well. Basically he looked down right hot. I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm not going to say my breath didn't catch in my throat, my blood didn't start pumping triple pace time and my hands didn't turn all clammy at the sight of him. His soft blue eyes fixed on the floor and his hair glinting in the light of candles behind him. It took all my strength not to fall on my knees right there and plead. I controlled myself however. I tried to remain calm throughout the whole wedding. I had a plan, at that moment I decided I wasn't going home that night without him and I prayed to whatever god was listening to me, that it worked.  
  
We made it through the wedding without a hitch, Ms. McKay managed to keep her tears under wraps until after she said her vows. I had feeling Bombay had told her the night before that if she didn't chill he wouldn't go through with it. That of course would have been a complete lie because he was totally head over heels for her. And no one made any objections when the preacher asked for them, not that I'm surprised, I think everyone thought this day was long in coming.  
  
Anyway as the best man I got to ride to the reception in the limo with the new Mr. & Mrs. Bombay and the maid of honor. I used the time to think my strategy though, trying to repair and thing that may not work before we arrived at the hall. That was it, my last shot at happiness.  
  
I had to make the champagne toast later that night. Can you believe that, a recovering alcoholic. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, they were thinking 'Look at Charlie with the liquor. Lousy drunk.' I however had known better and had previously requested my glass not be filled with alcohol. If I wanted to get Adam back I had to make every effort to get better.  
  
After all the eating and drink and everyday lameness the tables began to clear as the guest started to dance. I waited until Guy set off to take Connie on a spin across the dance floor and seized it as my chance to make a move. I turned my head and noticed Banks looking at me, he looked away as soon as we made eye contact but it sent a shock up my spine. I scooted over three chairs down and I know he could tell in was me next to him because he continued to look away.  
  
"Uh Adam?" I cleared my throat  
  
"Charlie?" Well that was a step at least he acknowledged my presence.   
  
"We have to talk."  
  
"I really have nothing to say to you." He tried to stand but I reached for him, gently, I didn't want to hurt him, I couldn't do that to him again.  
  
"Please just listen." I requested of him in a tone far more delicate then the one I normally used  
  
"Okay, say what's on your mind because you may not get another chance."  
  
"I know. Look Adam, I could spend the next fifty years telling you how sorry I am and telling you how miserable I've been since you left me, but I don't think that words are gonna make you understand what u mean to me. I know there's nothing I can do to make it up to you but I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Adam you gotta believe me, I didn't want to hurt you. I dunno why I ever let myself cause you pain."  
  
"Charlie you know you've said this all before, it's just words." He retorted flatly  
  
"I knew this is a bad idea, I should've realized I fucked everything up so badly. I'm going to make it up to you some how."  
  
"Yeah well you think about how you're gonna do that, I'm going to talk to Russ and Ken I haven't seen 'em in awhile."  
  
I can honestly tell you what I came up with was possibly the most embarrassing thing that I've ever reduced myself to. I conned the DJ into letting me karaoke. Yeah it was one of those things that if anybody got it on tape, I will shoot myself.  
  
"Um hi, I'm Charlie." I shifted uncomfortably on the stage trying to gain the attention of the room. "I uh I'm not much of a singer but there's someone out there that really needs to hear this song so umm I'm gonna sing it, it's not gonna sound that good so um please bare with me." I cleared my throat and closed my eyes, hoping against everything that this would work.  
  
"Darling I, I can't explain,  
Where did we lose our love,  
Boy it's driving me insane.  
And I know I just need one more chance,  
To prove my love to you.  
And if you come back to me,  
I'll guarantee,  
That I'll never let you go.  
  
  
Can we go back to the days  
Our love was strong.  
Can you tell me how  
A perfect love goes wrong.  
Can somebody tell me   
How to get things back,  
The way they used to be.  
Oh God, give me the reason,  
I'm down on bended knee.  
  
  
I'll never walk again,  
Until you come back to me,  
I'm down on bended knee.  
  
So many nights I dream of you.  
Holding my pillow tight I know,  
That I don't need to be alone.  
When I open up my eyes,  
To face reality,  
Every moment without you,  
It seems like eternity.  
I'm begging you, begging you come back to me.  
  
Can we go back to the days  
Our love was strong.  
Can you tell me how  
A perfect love goes wrong.  
Can somebody tell me   
How to get things back,  
The way they used to be.  
Oh God, give me the reason,  
  
I'm down on bended knee.  
  
  
  
Baby, I'm sorry,  
Please forgive me for all the wrong I've done.  
Please come back home girl.  
I know you put all your trust in me,  
I'm sorry I let you down.  
Please forgive me.  
  
I'm gonna swallow my pride,  
Say I'm sorry,  
Stop pointing fingers,   
The blame is on me.  
I want a new life,  
And I want it with you.  
If you feel the same,  
Don't ever let it go.  
You gotta believe in the spirit of love,  
It will heal all things,  
Won't hurt any more.  
No I don't believe our love's terminal.  
I'm down on my knees,  
Begging you please,  
Come home  
  
  
Can we go back to the days  
Our love was strong.  
Can you tell me how  
A perfect love goes wrong.  
Can somebody tell me   
How to get things back,  
The way they used to be.  
Oh God, give me the reason,  
I'm down on bended knee."  
  
  
  
When I finished my song I don't think there was anyone that wasn't trying to put their jaw up where it belonged, even Banks. I walked over to him as he sat at a table in the back, his eyes were glistening.  
  
"That so um."  
  
"Adam I have something for you, it's something I've been waiting to give you for a long time." I pulled the small velvet box from my pocket and I could see him tense instantly "Don't worry it's not a ring, I had one of those but this isn't it." When he opened it, it wasn't what he was expecting I'm sure.  
  
"What is that?" He pulled the token from the box and held it in the palm of his hand  
"It's an AA chip, I truly am trying you know." I lowered myself into and adjacent chair  
  
"You were drinking earlier, during the toast."  
  
"Ginger Ale."  
  
"What?"  
  
"It was ginger ale. I'm not drinking anymore, I'm not going to do anything that's going to prevent me from getting you back Banks, I love you."  
  
He sighed and I took his hand in mine   
"I just want us to be like we were. If the Bashers can do it, why can't we?" I jerked my head in the direction of the dance floor where I large burly enforcers were slow dancing.  
  
"Charlie I'm not sure about this, I love you I really do but…" I shushed him by putting my finger to him mouth  
  
"Adam Jonathon Banks, will you please take me back?"  
  
He nodded and opened his mouth to speak but was again stifled, this time by my kisses. His lips were so soft, his kisses so sweet, I had almost forgotten what they tasted like.  
  
"Mmm." Banks grinned candidly "So tell me about this ring."  
  
It was so great to have him back and I swore I'd never let him down again.  
  
The End 


End file.
